I Feel Pretty
by Dimostiel
Summary: When Aragorn wakes up late one morning, he walks in on a very disturbing scene. Check the rating, it's not what you think it's about.


I Feel Pretty  
  
Written by: Dimostiel  
  
As a witness of this terrible crime, this story is written in Aragorn's POV.  
  
(o_o)(o_o)(o_o)(o_o)  
  
As I was walking through the halls one day, humming the tune to Bottom of the Bottle by Smile Empty Soul while making my way to the kitchen for a late breakfast, I heard singing coming from the room ahead. The door was open and being the curious ranger I am, I stopped and peeked around the corner. For the second time in my entire life, I wished I were not so nosy. (The first time involving Legolas and a pink bathrobe. Don't ask!)  
  
There was my foster father, Elrond, in a sky blue robe and (for some odd reason) fluffy pink slippers singing "I Feel Pretty."  
  
"I feel pretty  
  
Oh so pretty  
  
I feel pretty and witty and gay  
  
And I pity  
  
Any elf who isn't me today  
  
I feel charming  
  
Oh so charming  
  
It's alarming how charming I feel  
  
And so pretty  
  
That I hardly can believe I'm real"  
  
He obviously did not see me for he continued singing and walked over to his mirror.  
  
"See the pretty elf in that mirror there  
  
Who can that attractive elf be?  
  
Such a pretty face  
  
Such a pretty dress  
  
Such a pretty smile  
  
Such a pretty me!"  
  
At this statement, the elf I've come to know as father, did a distinctive twirl. Yes, Lord Elrond, lord of Imladris a.k.a. Rivendell, the father of the Evenstar and a rare set of elven twins plus and adopted son, friend of elf, dwarf, hobbit, and man alike, great warrior who fought in the Last Alliance of Men and Elves, twirled. Then began to sing again.  
  
"I feel stunning  
  
And entrancing  
  
Feel like running and dancing for joy  
  
For I'm loved  
  
By a pretty wonderful ME!"  
  
At that point I decided I was going crazy because I distinctively heard some female elves singing the other part to this song.  
  
(Girls)  
  
"Have you met my good friend Elrond  
  
The craziest elf on the block?  
  
You'll know him the minute you see him  
  
He's the one who is in an advanced state of shock  
  
He thinks he's in love  
  
He thinks he's in Spain  
  
He isn't in love  
  
He's merely insane  
  
It must be the heat  
  
Or some rare disease  
  
Or too much to eat  
  
Or maybe it's weed  
  
Keep away from him  
  
Send for Chino!  
  
This is not the Elrond we know!  
  
Modest and pure  
  
Polite and refined  
  
Well-bred and mature  
  
And out of his mind!  
  
Mr. Middle Earth! Speech! Speech!"  
  
At this point I got a headache. Maybe I was still in bed dreaming, maybe I was just going crazy, or maybe it was Lord Elrond who was going crazy, for he began to sing again.  
  
"I feel pretty  
  
Oh so pretty  
  
That the city should give me its key  
  
A committee  
  
Should be organized to honor me  
  
I feel dizzy  
  
I feel sunny  
  
I feel fizzy and funny and fine  
  
And so pretty  
  
Mr. Middle Earth can just resign!"  
  
Then again I could have been the one going crazy because just then I heard those voices again.  
  
(Girls)  
  
"See the pretty elf in that mirror there  
  
What mirror where?  
  
Who can that attractive elf be?  
  
(Which? What? Where? Whom?)  
  
Such a pretty face  
  
Such a pretty dress  
  
(Whom? Whom?)  
  
Such a pretty smile  
  
Such a pretty me!  
  
(Whom?)"  
  
Out of awe I stepped fully into the doorway as Elrond began the last chorus.  
  
"I feel stunning  
  
And entrancing  
  
Feel like running and dancing for joy  
  
For I'm loved  
  
By a pretty wonderful ME!"  
  
He held the last note, going higher then lower then higher again. As he began to sing another chorus of "I Feel Pretty", he turned around and saw me. I also saw his face, fully, Elrond was wearing make-up! I slowly began to back up, but before I knew it Elrond was at my side pulling me in the door and asking me to sing the next chorus with him.  
  
(o_o)(o_o)(o_o)(o_o)  
  
I woke up with a scream and looked around, I was in my own room. Judging by the position of the sun, it was late morning. I got up and wondered why Elrond had not woke me up.  
  
After getting dressed, I walked through the hallway looking for my foster father, when I heard singing.  
  
"I feel pretty..."  
  
Before I heard anymore, I ran, screaming, back down the hallway and slammed my door shut as Elrond peeked out of his room, wearing a sky blue robe and pink fluffy slippers...  
  
(o_o)(o_o)(o_o)(o_o)  
  
So what do you think? Takes out hypnotizing watch and starts swinging it back and forth, chanting: Push the button, you will review. Push the button, you will review. Push the button, you will review. Puts watch back in pocket and waits for it to work... 


End file.
